Dear Me,... finding closure.
Hey how's it going. It's been a while since we had some time to reflect. I know things have been busy and hectic and now that you're on vacation it's nice to see you have some time to digest everything that has been happening. So you recently went to Denver, Colorado and we all know who lives there... your ex. I'm sure people were really wondering if you were going there for a solo trip or you were still talking to your ex. How annoying is it that people are so nosy. When you originally booked that flight yes, it was to see him and maybe rekindle a flame. But remember after booking it some stuff went down and you cancelled the flight. You knew that seeing him was not a good idea but then you found out that you weren't going to get you'r money back so you rebooked your flight and bought yourself a hotel room. At the end of the day Denver is a great city and you weren't going to never go back because your ex lives there. That is just dumb. From the time you booked your flight in March to when you visited a lot of things have come into play. You have been focused on your next steps career wise and focused on producing exciting content for your blog. Yes there were low points where you felt alone and lonely and wished you could just reach out to your ex. There were days that you did and just talking to him for a bit made you feel better. It's not like you were trying to get back with him you just needed your comfort zone for those times you felt weak. I mean he did become your best friend so it makes sense. It's hard to just let go of such an important person in your like.
Even after breaking up y'all still talked and you even had a conversations about remaining friends. But you knew that wasn't going to work out in the long run. Being friends with him wasn't going to be healthy for your life but you weren't going to force yourself to cut it off until you were ready. That's the thing to remember here. You had to be ready to cut it off or you would be miserable. That's the thing about closure. It's a very personal thing. I needed to be physically, emotionally and mentally ready to close that chapter of my life without and regrets. You knew that as time went on you'd talk to him less and the memories you had of him would surely start to dissolve. Time really does heal all wounds. There is nothing that I needed him to say that would have given me that closure. I needed to see him and reinforce my boundaries to understand that the feelings I once had for him are gone. I needed to look him in the face and remind myself that what happened in our relationship is not what I want for myself. You don't want or need that in your life. He brought out some of the uglier sides of you and you don't want that. Going to Denver and hanging out with him is exactly what you need to do for yourself. You had such a fun time and it really showed you how far you've come since November 2017. Remember that time you thought you wouldn't be able to live without him. The time you actually felt like he was your life line. I'm glad you got over all of that. You're in a much better place in life and you're doing things that might have never happened if you stayed. Remember all the tears you cried and the hours you spent in bed. You needed those dark days. You needed to feel like you were at rock bottom to realize that you had to make a choice for your life. You could either let some man control your life, emotions and actions or you could decide to work on yourself and build yourself to be the best you can be. I'm glad you chose the latter. Ain't nobody got time to sit in dark rooms for hours crying.
Aren't you glad that with this breakup you were able to reconnect to your friends. You have been able to realize a lot of things in your life that you tried to hide from. You need this time in life to be where you are. Denver was your closure. There were no apologies, long hugs or tears. There was no awkward conversations or silences. It was 2 people who loved each other realizing that it's best for us to move on. There will always be love for one another but it's time to love each other from a distance. You would have never met the people you're meeting if you tried to stay. You have met people who are crazy but you've met people who have great qualities that you never knew you needed in a partner. You are seeing what it's like to be wanted. You don't have to go above and beyond for someone to be interested in you and want your company. You are understanding how to demand respect and when to walk away when it is not being given to you. You have truly grown immensely within the last 8 months. I'm sure there will be days where you will think about him but you'll know those are all just memories and that it's in the past. You don't know what the future holds but you know you don't want to go back.
You are wonderful and I'm truly proud of where you are today. Always remember that you deserve nothing but the best. You're too cute, smart and awesome to let some bum walk into your life and walk all over you. Continue to pray to God that he guides your life and brings someone who will accept and love for who you are.
Lots of love,
Etinosa J Ogbevoen