I'm not afraid to admit that I was pretty excited to find out that we would be working from home. I've never had a job that allowed me to work remotely and I was excited for the opportunity to work where I live or at least not have to dress up to impress other people. As much I enjoy people I can also get very annoyed and irritated when there's too many people around.
So in March when my place of employment indicated that we should all work from home I thought all of my dreams were coming true. At first it was quite the adjustment, trying to find motivation to do actual work at home. Keeping that balance of work time and personal time. I Was on top of closing my laptop at the end of the day and cleaning up my work area to make room for my personal time.
My introverted side was thriving in self isolation. I was shifting from being outside and creating content to coming up with new ideas that I could do inside. I was very admit about staying inside. Covid is real and if I can avoid I'll do what I need to do. So staying away from people was easy for me. I was loving the fact that I was able to just sot with y thoughts and not have any distractions. I could think big and and out of the box. I picked up some new hobbies like calligraphy, painting, coloring, indoor photography, and cooking. I really thought I was thriving, gaining skills that I didn't have time for when I was out and about. This quarantine life was truly a dream come true. Well that was how I was feeling in March and April and maybe into May.
We have been working from home for the past 5 months. When I talk to friends, family or even work collegeaues many have said that they have thought about me in quarantine and how hard it must be for. In January I moved to a new state and city, I started a new job and at the time I was still finishing my Master's degree. I had a lot going on and my intentions were to have the best Sumer ever in Austin. Well all that was going on in my life was some of the reasons people were saddened for me. They felt bad that I didn't have the opportunity to connect and meet new people. I couldn't explore the city to it's full capacity, and that I didn't live with anyone.
For a while I wasn't convinced that those factors were making quarantine hard for me. I was doing new things and picking up new skills. I was fine. Unfortunately, it feels like everything has come crashing down. I feel so isolated and lonely. There is this heightened feeling of not wanting people to leave. I've been so thankful that my friends have visited me but when they leave it feels like my world comes crashing down. I'm alone once again. Left with my thoughts and the hobbies that I am no longer interested. I'm consistently trying to inspiration and motivation, and solace. I don't feel at peace being alone in isolation. I want to connect with people. I want to explore and try new things. I miss how the world used to be. I hate being so far away from home. I miss being able to get a hug from the few people I actually let hug me. I miss in person hang outs. I miss roaming the streets on a long summer day and just being grateful to enjoy these moments.
Being so isolated from the everyone is just hurting my soul right now. I'm trying my best to stay away from getting to a dark place of being lonely. I'm trying to find my Joy again.
For the love of the people in this world I will continue to wear my mask and stay inside whenever possible. just know I'm trying my hardest to stay positive and upbeat during this time.
Sending you all lots of love.
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